Fear Of Commitment

Even though I sometimes lack commitment to a writing routine out of fear. Tap, tap, tap… I still fear not having enough time…tap, tap, tap…

My fears sometimes boil up inside, and I go into a spiral of lack-filled thought. Its too hard to commit to writing this blog, that book, get published and be successful.

Sometimes I pay too much attention to those who have already been published. And even to those who haven’t. I know I don’t need their opinion! I will write in spite of their belief whether I can, or whether I have the integrity, or whether what I am writing is ‘just an online diary’. Ouch.

I cannot prove that it is or isn’t going to work out if I havent written it. I have had my blog success, integrity, and commitment questioned by concerned friends and family members. And the silly thing is, I KNOW that is just them trying to protect me.

All writers have those who think writing is not a real job, and will never pay the bills. Even my friends who are super fantastic prolific writers are too set on needing ‘a real job’ to fully trust their work will be published. Even a couple I know who have been published have their doubts.

And that’s what you choose to tell budding writers?

And then there are these published writers who choose to write about the difficulties of the publishing world, I KNOW that was their past. And they choose to focus on how difficult it was. This view could either make or break a good writer. And sometimes I fear that it will break me!

My accountability partners really encourage me. So what am I panicking for? What do I really want to write about and why don’t I just do it and concentrate all my energy on getting it written?

My big dream is… of a successful blog presence, that book being written, those puzzle pieces being put together, that agent being found and having the money to pay for that service, the money to travel outside England, and travel well, and in comfort; that publishing house calling, that contract, that series of books and stories being published, the feeling that I have something different to offer, and that I am not just jumping on an already successful idea or genre; not that there is anything wrong with that, it is all abundance!…

And sometimes, it’s far easier to be non-committal.

I shy away from sitting down and putting pen to paper or fingers to key board despite my fears because first I want to prove that what I write is good enough. When I get a really good idea, the need for validation fires up my ego.

Validation whore…

What if things don’t fall into place? What if I never get seen? What if I always have to work a side job? What if Oprah or Ellen never, ever call? I feel so bad and wasteful  when I haven’t committed to writing a blog post or adding to a new story.

My biggest fear is that  I’l have nothing to show for my life. Sometimes I feel like the risk is bigger than my desire to write. Then I sabotage myself. I look for a sign to move forward then sometimes still, I ignore it.  And I stay in my dream world.

I want to know, without a doubt, that I will commit, and my dreams WILL come true. Commitment to writing must become my first priority.  And, this is the only why success for good writers is so rare. Not that the publishing world is too hard to get in to, or that it costs too much to get started. I know that! So why don’t I act like it?

Most people aren’t brave enough to even try. I was! I tried. I started this blog! But it hasn’t gone as well as I had hoped. But this is because I also was to afraid to promote it beyond my comfort zone or as much as a confident, accomplished writer would take the time to promote themselves on their on-line platforms.

The accountability group that I love so much! They are my audience. SO why don’t I give them something to read? Why am I still avoiding putting out regular content?  Most people spend their lives waiting for that validation. And I have it! But I still don’t do what needs to be done.

That book WILL be written. I WILL do what it takes. I WILL have success. I Want to get to a place where I say I will be 100% committed, and post daily, and make the time to sit and add to my plot, and characters, explore the world, and story that is formed in my mind.

The agent, the publishing deal, the money, and the fan base comes second. I will get in to alignment with my vision.

So what am I giving up? My coffee dates! My day dream time! Woe is me…

I feel my writing will add value to the world, but I fear I won’t be seen or heard because I will be lost in a sea of other writers competing to be published, and this doesnt stop my flow but stops me committing to one idea consistently. The good thing is, I know I really do have time, and I really can commit, and I will. Maybe I have just a few more blocks to work on.

Sometimes doubt gets the better of me. I am so glad I have Emotional Freedom Tapping, because I know I can close the gap between doubting, and and doing.

My deepest gratitude for humouring me by reading my rant, and I hope I did a good job of adding in the positives, which is the entire point of this blog.

To find out more about EFT, do what thousands of others have done and watch  tap on his face while helping you release negativity with his revelatory block-busting phrases, or go  to my friends website and learn about the power of I Will affirmations, and Echo Tapping technique, and request a personal script for just $1. I have had so much joy with both their techniques that I even write blog posts while panicking about my ability to write blog posts. Whaaaat?! I know right?

Please feel free to connect, and ask me about writing or even blocks to doing so.

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I am an out & proud, body-positive, pixie-eared ambivert, who loves to create through clearing, and scripting my future through writing and focusing on the good stuff. I also love crowd-funding, buying cruelty-free products, and going to the theatre. Please like and share, and comment. My deeepest gratitude to you for reading.

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